What do I mean by the depths of darkness?
If you have ever struggled badly with your mental health, you may relate to this. When you have a lot of highly negative thoughts going around in your head all at once, it feels as though there is a heavy grey cloud hanging over you constantly. You feel as though you have entered the depths of darkness as everything in your life can only be seen through a pessimistic dark and gloomy mindset. Once you get to that place mentally, it is extremely difficult to escape from it. So if you see me referring to the depths of darkness throughout this blog post, that is what I’m talking about.
What you feel like doing VS what you should do:
When you are feeling extremely low and you cannot think of anything but how much of a bad mood you are in and how depressed you feel, it is very easy to slip out of a routine. Things get that bad that you don’t want to get out of bed, you only want to eat junk food, you cannot be bothered to exercise or leave the house. Everyone around you seems too jolly and it irritates you so you choose to lock yourself away and avoid any type of socialisation. It’s very tempting, isn’t it? To give into your thoughts and refuse to do anything because it's the easy option. But having a routine makes a massive difference when you are feeling that low, within limits. It’s all about balance. You need to be extra kind to yourself during your low days. Eat a little extra than usual, but don’t ruin your usual diet too much or you will punish yourself for it and just feel worse. Take out more time to relax than usual, but don’t stop working completely. It is a slippery slope when you tweak your routine, so it is important to give yourself more leniency, but not so much that you find it almost impossible to get back into your own routine when you feel more able.
It is unfortunate that the world doesn’t stop turning when you feel at your lowest, but your personal world does and that is important to remember. Never put yourself down and hate yourself if you don’t get as much done in a day as you hoped. It is extremely difficult to get work done, do your self-care routine, tidy up etc when you cannot stop your mind from rotating constant bad thoughts that put you in a bad mood all the time. If you manage to get anything done then it is a bonus and a big achievement, so please be proud of yourself for carrying on when you don’t feel up to everyday life. There is no right or wrong really, whether you do a lot or not as much as usual that is up to you. Only you know what is too much or too little when you are feeling low but a balance is key.
Building mental strength is never easy...
Mental strength is not ‘nothing ever phases me’ or ‘I must never get upset or let anything bother me’. It’s more about allowing yourself to go through the motions. Being able to feel what you feel, letting all kinds of thoughts flow through your mind and not trying to fight anything. In a way, it is about tolerance, endurance, emotional maturity and understanding. If you try to understand what you are feeling, let yourself feel it and get through it naturally, you will gradually build mental strength to deal with most situations. For example, as a teenage tends to have low emotional maturity (depending on life experience of course) and when a stressful situation occurs that causes a lot of emotions at once, they may throw a tantrum, argue, shut down, yell at people they love, even become violent etc. Mainly due to the fact that they don’t understand how to deal with situations properly and they prefer to hide from their feelings.
But someone with emotional maturity may feel shocked and agitated when the stress arises but instead of trying to fight it and act out on impulse over it, they would sit back and give themselves time to go through the thoughts and feelings that will help them to eventually get over it. Mentally strong people are aware of what could and does go wrong in life, but they feel prepared in themselves to deal with anything that life throws at them. Whereas someone who is not so mentally strong may find themselves crumbling over very small problems. That is not to say that it is necessarily bad to not be mentally strong, as it is something that can be built and taught over time and it is usually best to be taught by yourself. Personal and emotional development are extremely important with things like this. Something that needs to be remembered is that only you can truly help yourself. Nobody else can build mental strength for you, you have to want to do it and be open to any changes it may bring to your life.
Ways to build mental strength:
Trying to build mental strength may feel overwhelming and impossible when you sit and think about it. You may have thoughts like ‘I can never deal with anything so I might as well give up trying’ or ‘I cannot improve my own life and I’ll never be strong enough to solve problems’. Those thoughts can end up playing the role of the devil in your life by stopping you from doing things that either need to be done or you want to do for yourself. It is important to outline what you can do to build mental strength. But please be aware that these tips may not work for everyone or you may find that it takes months or even years for these to truly work. Here are my top 3 ways to build mental strength:
-Never allow yourself to be defeated by fear:
Now this is a big one. Fear gets us all. Some of us will say we have no fears but that isn’t true. Everyone has at least one fear. Something they have nightmares about, something they dread happening or something they hate the look of. We all go through it. But fear really becomes a problem when we allow it to take over our lives. I have been there. About 3 years ago, I had an irrational fear of leaving the house alone. But now, I can go out alone without hardly noticing and I am fine. That is because I kept pushing myself and even forcing myself at times to go against what my mind was telling me to do. I challenged my anxiety and made myself realise that nothing bad happened when I faced my fear, and the fear slowly faded. If you have any fears that seem to be interrupting your daily life, be aware that there are people out there who can help you. There are certain therapies that can train your brain to either stop a fear or help you to cope with it.
-Focusing on the moment:
It is easy to get lost in the past or even sit worrying about the future. For people like me who become disassociated when having an attack or an off day, it is extremely difficult to be in the moment when you don’t feel that you are anywhere really. But managing to keep yourself in the here and now goes a long way and really helps you to stay focused. Mental endurance can be improved by managing to enjoy everything around you. Who you are with, what it smells like, what the place reminds you of etc. If you put more energy into making the now better, then it is highly likely that your future will be naturally better too. Of course, that cannot be guaranteed as some things that happen are out of our control and it is just life happening that cannot be stopped. But, for example, if you sit in the present moment worrying about an event that you are dreading next week, think of what it could cost you. It may not seem like a big deal at the time but it may be stopping you from working, from socialising, from relaxing etc. Not to mention it will cause you a ton of emotional stress to keep over thinking and worrying. It is definitely easier said than done as I struggle with focusing on the moment myself but I have noticed that the best way to tackle this is by distracting yourself. I force myself to either work or do something that relaxes me even when I’m not in the mood and the more I do that, the more I feel in the moment. If you keep trying and it doesn't work then please don’t get yourself down over it. If you are trying your best than you are doing something in a time of distress and that is something to be proud of in itself.
-Try not to be your own worst enemy:
This is a big one for me. Most people with mental health conditions have always been their own worst enemy. We hate ourselves, we wish we were ‘normal’, we constantly give ourselves negative pep talks. It becomes a habit and it feels natural to hate yourself when you have spent years doing so. But one thing that I have found that builds mental strength and gets you stronger to deal with highly stressful and emotional situations is learning to like yourself. Yes, notice how I said like and not love? That is because too many people are out there saying ‘love yourself’ and making it sound easy. It’s not. Give yourself a break and start with liking yourself instead or if you cannot do that then at least respect yourself. I’m not sure where I am with that at the moment, possibly in between respecting and liking. But to do this, you need to forgive yourself for past mistakes, realise you are only human, own up to faults, learn from things that have gone wrong and have boundaries when needed. It’s a lot to think about, I know. But how can you expect to be mentally strong when your own mind is against you? You need to find a way to get your brain onto your side and start respecting you and everything about you - good or bad! This may also mean correcting your character in a sense. Becoming the person that you want to be is bound to create more self-respect!
That is all for this month’s blog post! But there are many other ways to build mental strength which can be found on different mental health websites. Thank you for reading and I hope it has helped someone out there!