You hear people say it's wrong all the time. Don't use the words fat, gigantic, big etc but the sad truth is, not many people listen. Nobody says a word when you are seen to be society's version of 'the perfect weight' which is usually a slim body, curvy hips and a reasonably big back side. People feel they have to fit into the tiny boxes or what the media say is 'normal'. And no, I'm not just talking about the ladies here. Not many people mention this but men are body shamed too. If they have the famous 'dad bod' instead of being a gym buff with muscles, they are also shamed.
But can you really win? The answer is definitely no. Some may counteract that and say yes you can win, just stick to the ridiculous expectations of what's currently in trend. Don't! That is my advice. Sometimes, what the media says is healthy and normal is actually really bad for your health. Getting botox, surgery and even starving yourself to match the models in magazines may make you feel good on the outside but what about the inside? (No offence intended to people that WANT to have surgery and botox for THEM, this is for people who have been 'shamed' into doing these things.) I know what some of you will be thinking. 'I don't care how I get to the perfect weight as long as I look good to others.' But this is becoming a very dangerous thing. Young teenage girls are being taught from a very young age that they MUST stay skinny and constantly plaster their faces in makeup and never show their natural selves. But why? We all know that behind the makeup we all look different, so why hide it?
Why body shaming is important to me:
I know many of you will be reading this and wondering why I have decided to do a blog post on body shaming. Well, let me explain. Some of my friends and supporters will be reading this thinking ‘well Tiffany isn’t on the large side so she won’t know what it’s like.’ If that is what you are thinking then you are mistaken. I was bullied in high school for being too thin and weak. And now, mainly on social media, I have been bullied for having ‘too much extra weight.’ People have patronised me and tried to give me unwanted advice on how to get rid of some extra pounds because I would apparently look better if I was thinner. This was a very damaging experience as I already hate my own body and weight. I have put on 5 stone (31kg) in the past 4 years and it devastated me to watch the scales go up and up whenever I got weighed. But I have altered my diet in recent years by eating more of my 5 a day, drinking more water and being healthier in usual but still, I have had no weight loss results. I have gone on 20k step walks and exercised but still nothing. I tried to explain this (even though I didn’t need to) to the people that thought it was okay to question why I am this ‘big’.
But what they don’t understand is that I have many medical conditions and it is in fact my medication that has caused such a dramatic weight gain. I feel now that I am stuck with the weight I am currently at which is 15 stone (5 stone over the right weight for my height) and there isn’t much I can do about it. Some people have the choice and think enough is enough, I want to get fitter but I have to accept my body for the way it is and I am trying to find ways to cope with that fact. It doesn’t help that my joint hypermobility syndrome means that I get tired very easily and I am in excruciating pain if I exercise too much and it hurts for days after, but still I keep trying and pushing. I will keep trying to lose weight to be the weight that I want to be, but not because people have bullied and pressured me into it, because I want to. And I hope that by some miracle, I may lose some weight one day but with the medication, it is highly unlikely. But it extends beyond me. Many people in my life have had to put up with body shaming and it is wrong in every way. I want to create awarness on it so people don't assume it doesn't affect people.
The impact of body shaming on our mental health:
It doesn't help that not many people understand the weight of their words on someone's mental health. Constantly being body shamed will have a devastating effect on your mental health. The fact that 'perfect' doesn't technically exist doesn't help. Everyone wants to be the perfect weight but there will always be someone that comes along and says 'but now, you are too thin. Eat a burger!' And it becomes an endless cycle. Most of the time, the things we do to improve the way we look has the opposite effect. People feel that bad about themselves that they make themselves sick to get rid of the junk food they ate, which may stop extra weight but it causes food disorders to develop. It is not worth ruining yourself and your mental health for the sake of people’s opinions, often people who don’t even have an important place in your life.
When people constantly mention your body weight and/or shape, it can make you feel inferior to everyone else. It makes you feel as though you stand out and everyone is staring at you (and not in a good way.) Sometimes too much attention is not a good thing. You start to worry about the clothes you are wearing incase it shows off the wrong part of your body that you would rather keep hidden. You start being overly conscious about what you are eating and go on a ridiculously strict diet that could be damaging to your health in the long run (of course, not all diets are dangerous when done correctly.) But saying the odd comment to someone such as ‘lose some weight’ or ‘maybe you need to cut down on fatty foods’ or even ‘have you noticed that you’ve piled on weight recently?’ is harmful. Even if you didn’t mean it in a harsh way, commenting on someone’s weight or body shape will always feel really bad to them. They may hide it by laughing it off or telling themselves that they’ve heard it before so it doesn’t bother them, but it does. Even if it is sub-consciously, it will get to them. If there is more than one person commenting on the way they look, it will all build up and make them feel worse.
When body shaming is masked as 'helpful comments':
Something that people don’t realise is harmful is making what I call ‘happy digs’ or patronising comments. This is when someone will say something harmful to you in a kind voice with a happy smile and it will trick you into thinking they are saying it to be nice when behind the mask, they are trying to offend you or bring you down. For the ladies, this could be things like:
Example 1: ‘Look love, I’m not being nasty or anything but don’t you think it’s time to cut down on the food and start going to the gym? If you carry on piling on the pounds then you will get fat and you don’t want that. People will laugh at you. But I’m saying it as a friend not to be nasty.’
Example 2: ‘Wow I haven’t seen you in ages! You look so different, I’m just trying to figure out what’s so different about you. Oh yeah you have a double chin now and you are like 10 sizes bigger. Wow! How does it feel to be able to wear plus size fashion now?’
Example 3: ‘That dress looks so cute! Did you realise that it shows all your body? Like even the bad bits? I would only wear things that show your qualities hun, not clothes that are way too small. It would look better on someone like me. Just a thought though!’
And for the lads:
Example 1: ‘Woah someone has been eating too much fast food. You’ve got a beer belly! Maybe you should sign up to the gym mate.’
Example 2: ‘Look at him over there! His arms are like matchsticks! He wouldn’t be able to stand up for himself to save his life, way too skinny it's disgusting.’
Example 3: ‘Have you thought about working out? You only get the girls when you have strong arms and a six pack. Nobody will fancy you looking like that!’
Of course for the lads, people will dress it up as ‘harmless banter’ and people will be told to relax if they take things too seriously. For the ladies, they will be told that it is just friendly advice and why would the victim see it any differently if they have a smile on their faces? But bullying isn’t always black and white or easy to spot. One harmful comment could set someone back for weeks, months or even years with how they see themselves. Being called names about the way your body looks can prevent you from finding a romantic partner, it can completely destroy your confidence, it can make any mental health conditions worse and it can even damage your self-image and cause you to hate yourself. For some, a weight loss journey is hard enough without people making comments and judging. People need support if they want to lose weight themselves but also consider that some may want to stay the same weight. Some people prefer to be curvy or a medium weight and that is fine. If you think it is ‘unhealthy’ or even ‘awful’ to look at, keep it to yourself! It is bad enough to have such opinions of other humans but to say them out loud is unforgivable. If you find yourself judging people for their weight, perhaps consider how you would feel if it was the other way around and you were the victim. It wouldn’t feel great would it? Try to focus on yourself, your own life and health rather than passing judgement on others.
Conclusion:
I will end this blog post with a very important message, DO YOU. If you want to stay your current weight, do that without any pressure to conform to what society sees as normal. If you want to challenge yourself and lose weight, then do that, hopefully with a good support network because it's never easy! If you want to gain weight then please don’t give up and keep going, you will also need support. The moral message of all this is don’t be concerned with other people’s weight. Concentrate on your own mind and body and let everyone else be their unique selves. Avoid hurtful comments that could damage someone’s mental health and also look out for those happy annoying comments that are said to make you feel bad about yourself without them being too direct. (And remember, if they keep making those types of comments, they are not your friends!) Feel free to leave any comments about your opinions and please if you ever find yourself being body shamed with nobody to turn to, come to me if you need a friendly ear. Thank you for reading this to the end and have a great day!